The Hawlucha Conspiracy Theorem
by Nate-kun
Summary: In which Calem and Serena have a petty, stupid argument over some stupid bird's stupid origins in the middle of a stupid, sleepless night. Kalosshipping, fluff abound, bite me.


**I'll start today's offering out by letting everyone know just how much I love Hawlucha- Ahem. I love Hawlucha. There we are, now you're aware of my appreciation. For such a small little guy, that doesn't even evolve, he definitely packs punch, and that's not even going into the fact that Flying Press is just... There are no words for such avian cavalry. It transcends beyond my comprehension and capabilities, or something like that.**

**As such, here's another stupid story about stupid shit I was thinking of while talking about the luchador hawk amongst some seemingly familiar faces. It's just another day in the hellfire, I always say.**

**Please review if you can, it's really all I ask for, you can praise me, provide criticism, talk shit, eat shit, I could care less. Just as long as you review, it lets me know you're reading, it lets me know I'm on your radar, and it lets me know that there's a fifty-fifty chance you want to see more. Even a favorite will do, thanks in advance for your courtesy. I work at zero pennies a day solely for your entertainment, remember that.~**

**Word Count: 1124 words.**

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The Hawlucha Conspiracy Theorem

_An intricate insight into one of life's newest and most daunting of mysteries._

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He peeps open one eye before opening the other. He's in a void filled with a pitch black darkness, in the middle of the night, in the midst of some typical journey to the league to be at the top of the world.

Sleep is an unfeasible thing tonight.

"Hey. Serena. Hey."

He nudges the girl's sleeping figure, so elegant and pure, but she doesn't stir much and instead responds with just a few quickly uttered murmurs. It's enough to convince him that she's close to awakening.

So he jabs at her again, his foot prodding her ankle.

"Hey, Serena... Are you awake?"

This time he receives a better response in the form of a groan, she turns around with a scowl on her face.

"I am **_now._**"

He smiles at the sound of her voice, which although is usually melodious (at least that's what he presumed), can become quite cynical given the right scenario. This instance just happens to be one of the latter situations.

"Awh, sweet! I uh, thought you fell asleep already. I thought I was going to be up all night alone for the longest." with his companion now awake, he relaxes, crossing his arms behind his head, letting the bed encompass him in a warm embrace.

"You're taking too much blanket, stop hogging it all." Serena on the other hand, isn't as pleased that their room only has one bed, and certainly hasn't gotten over the fact that Calem is too stubborn to sleep on the floor like he's expected to.

Calem lets out a groan of his own and shifts around to face the wall, "You shouldn't have slept on the outer side of the bed then." frankly speaking, he doesn't mind that they have to share at all. Sure, it goes against every single ideal he followed as a toddler, but all of that can be easily let go for just a few nights of slumber with a goddess.

She gives him a light shove, and turns away as well. With their backs facing each other, everything goes quiet.

Silence follows, but it's no tranquility. It's more leaning towards the awkward side of things since it's still clear as crystal that neither of them are asleep yet, he knows it, she knows it, their breathing knows it.

"Hey Serena."

Her answer is immediate, "What now?"

"Remember that wild Hawlucha earlier today?"

"The one that almost kicked our ass? No, I can't say I forgot it because that memory is still there. Figures it was immune to paralyzation, and it figures that even after learning that, you _still_ tried to numb it."

"Third times a charm, isn't it?"

"Do you even know what immune means?"

Calem turns around and rolls his eyes in a rather stubbornly effeminate way, "But even so... Didn't you notice anything wrong about it? Like, the way he looked, the way he stood, his whole appearance. Didn't you see something wrong with it?"

"The only thing I saw was the grass after he kicked me into it."

Calem pokes her cheek, earning a deadpan of a glare from her, "You're lucky you had me to _escort _you to safety, otherwise you'd still be in that field. No but **_seriously, _**that Hawlucha, I've been thinking and listen, this going to sound weird but..."

"What if Hawlucha's not a bird, and he's just some guy in a wrestling costume?"

She stares at him for a few seconds, almost unable to comprehend what he's trying to convey to her. In the end, she gives him two simple blinks and turns around again.

"I'm going back to sleep."

"N-No wait, listen!"

"You're stupid. It's Fighting and Flying type, that makes it a bird, stop trying to make stuff so convoluted." she says with a huff.

Yet Calem is still intent on proving her otherwise, "But don't you see it? It's possible! Didn't you notice earlier today that his mouth opened separately from his beak? He has a wrestling gimmick, which means that his beak could easily just be a mask!"

Despite the fact that the choice of ignoring him still exists, Serena still chooses to continue the conversation, her insomnia is just too much to bear through in solitude, "Even if that's true, tons of species come with removable clothing and whatnot. There's nothing to debunk."

"But he also wears boots! No talons or quirky bird feet, nothing! Birds don't wear boots, except for this one, and you know what's the problem with that? The problem is that he _isn't _a bird to begin with!"

He looks at her with a hopeful gaze, but she still isn't convinced of anything, "It's a bird trying to look as flashy and colorful as possible, end of story, regardless of whatever things it can take off or put on."

"But it isn't a bird."

"Then what is it? A dog, a fish, a cat? You keep implying it's something else but you're not saying what it is."

"I did say, he's just a regular everyday average joe in a bird suit...that also wanted to become a wrestler. Remember how he didn't get paralyzed? That's clearly because humans don't get status effects."

She still has the gall to bite back, "It's clearly because he can _limber _around. On top of that, there are thousands of Hawluchas all around Kalos, are you trying to say they're all short midgets wearing costumes?"

"It's plausibl-"

"No it's not."

He sits up on his elbow and taps his chin with his free hand, "Well... let's think about it this way. What if he's not really a bird, but actually an avian-like humanoid tired that he doesn't have full-on bird features, so he dresses up like a bird and uses the luchador thing as a disguise?"

Serena gives him another doubtful look before closing her eyes, covering her head and tousled hair with the blanket, and yawns.

"Go to bed, Calem."

He finally surrenders right then and there, realizing that there's no end to the argument.

He lies back down, relaxes, and attempts to get more of his fair share of the covers.

She's not stupid, she notices it, but chooses not to say anything about it.

"We should catch one someday, then we can settle this." he mumbles, his eyes shut and tone drowsy.

Serena tenses up at that moment, and shifts away from him somewhat. Not from his proposal, but from something else unrelated entirely.

"Your feet are cold."

That's all the motivation he needs to close the space between them with a hug. Normally she'd complain about such teasing and intimate interaction, but she's dealt with so much today, that it's not even worth it anymore.

"It's a midget, I'm telling you."


End file.
